My dirty little secret

I have decided to finally "come out" for the second time in my life (I still find it ironic that the first person I told about my sexuality was my drama teacher, she was very supportive and within a year I knew exactly why, she began sexual reassignment and became a he!).

Anyway, for a couple of years now I have been writing smutty Harry Potter fanfic. That's right, I write porn and post it on the internet. Almost nobody knows about this, Andy and my dear friend Louis have know for ages and I just told my mum about it last weekend. Telling her has given me the courage to announce it here, I'm damn proud of my writing and if anyone reading this has a problem with it keep it to yourself and don't mention it to me and we'll be fine. You don't have to read it if you don't want to.

I'm not going to put my pen name up here, or links to my writing. But, if any of you particularly fancy seeing what goes on in my filthy little mind send me an email and I'll point you to where you can find my stuff.

While I'm here I just wanted to have a bit of a rant because I just finished my second lengthy story yesterday, one that I have been writing, on and off, for over a year and it was a very tearful ending. I cried writing it and really hoped that it packed the same sort of punch as the endings of the last two actual HP books, Order of the Phoenix and Half Blood Prince. While I have had quite a few lovely reviews, I have also had a couple of fairly nasty ones, criticising me for not including warnings or ruining the end of an otherwise good fic.

Now, I do this chiefly for myself, I don't make a living out of this although I hope to make a living writing original fiction in the future, but I am unashamedly encouraged by seeing that hit counter tick over and reading reviews praising me and begging for updates. I love that feeling that people are reading and enjoying my writing, I get a huge buzz from it. However, I will always write in a way that I like, I will always include plot twists and hooks that interest me and take the story where I want it to go. I do not pander to the audience (one reviewer demanded an epilogue to make it a happy ending!!!) And I am more than a little annoyed that people would criticise me for doing this. I am NOT about to put great big warnings on my summary, spoiling the ending for my readers, obviously some people do not want to be surprised or moved by fiction, but personally I do and I despise spoilers. If someone had told me what happened in the real HP books (again, esp the latest two) I would have been devastated and they certainly wouldn't have had me balling my eyes out the way they both did.

Why do some readers have to be so ungrateful? One review I removed because it was so spiteful and I didn't want other readers seeing it and being put off. I won't do that again though, I was just upset by that one and it was a reflexive action. If I get any more like that I will respond, politely! Take this little gem though:

"I really, really, really loved this story, a lot! But I was very disappointed by the ending; no warnings/clues in the fic, I really didn't see that one coming..."

That's sort of the point!!! And besides, there were plenty of clues, in the form of fiction conventions, describing the fears of the two lead characters and planting all too obvious hopes for the future. You know the kind you read and go "Oh no, don't get your hopes up.. it's too good to be true" That kind of thing. It is NOT my fault if people do not understand these conventions.

This story is posted on an ADULT fanfic site, readers should expect not only explicit sex scenes, but possibly shocking plots. One of my favourite authors posted a fantastic blog about this sort of thing and I hope she doesn't mind me quoting it here because she put it so well:

"Authors do not owe readers:

1. Updates. Most authors have lives outside of the fandom and readers should respect that. An occasional email or review asking when a story will be updated is fine. It's nice to know that people haven't forgotten about a story. An angry email demanding an update like a payment on an overdue bill is rude. People who send them should consider getting one of those lives outside of the fandom that I mentioned earlier. Simple solution for the unsatisfied reader: Don't read WIPs.

2. Happy Endings. Formula romance might be your preference, but it's not everyone's cup of tea. That said, in a good story, the ending, even if it's a surprise, should be inevitable, or so I've been told. Simple Reader Solution: Restrict your reading to known romance authors or to archives where stories are categorized as "Romance".

3. Quality. When you purchase a novel, you are plunking down your hard-earned money with the assumption that what you are purchasing has been edited and proofread. You have have the right to expect good grammar and a story that meets professional standards. When you read fan fiction, you aren't spending a dime and you aren't reading the work of published authors. Finding a professional quality story is nice, expecting one is simple-minded. Simple Reader Solution: Stick to moderated archives or trusted recommendations.

4. Canon Compliance. It's been said a thousand times before by better essayist than me, but I'll say it again: Only JKR writes canon. Everything else, to varying degrees, is AU. JKR said that she stays away from the nets because some of the stuff she sees scares her. If the prospect of running into a story that has Snape in fishnet stockings, stilettos, and a Frederick's of Hollywood pink satin corset is going to send you into a tizzy, take JKR's lead and stay off the nets. Simple Reader Solution: Read the submission guidelines for various archives and only read the ones that squelch all creativity require a high degree of canon compliance.

5. Their wank fantasy. Some of you, and you know who you are, seem to have an unnatural attachment to pretend wizards. Unless you've commissioned a fic, it's not reasonable to expect a writer to give your literary object d'amour all of the qualities that blow your skirt up. Some of you get quite wanky about this. Harmionians anyone? Simple Reader Solution: Get help. Seriously.

6. Their Hermione-Sue: Or Any-other-canon-character-Sue/Stu, over-invested self-insert. (That makes Hermione sound like a sex toy, doesn't it?) You're not Hermione. Simple Reader Solution: See Above.

7. Warnings. Unless the archive specifically requires them, I don't think an author is required to suck all of the suspense out of their plot with a million warnings.

I guess what I'm saying in a nutshell is that the only thing that a writer owes a reader is to follow the rules of the archive they are posting in. I view the fandom and fanfiction as a free market and for the reader it's caveat lector. That said, what's good for the reader is good for the writer. When you post your story on the big bad internet, it's with the understanding that no one is required to like it, review it, or be nice to you."

I wholeheartedly agree with this author and I'm not complaining about people being nasty exactly, I am disappointed with some people's expectations not to mention being disappointed that for those people, my story wasn't effective in the way I intended.

Kitchen, Amnesty and the White House

We have had to delay the installation of our kitchen :-( it's complicated, and boring. Anyway, it's now going to be February. Doh. Never mind.

I just got back from a weekend away at my parents', my mum organised a ceilidh for her local Amnesty group that she's been involved with for a few years now. It was fun, dancing and merriment aplenty. But now I am exhausted after spending 13 hours out of the last 72 on a coach :-/ I just want to loaf for a couple of days!

And finally, onto the main point of my blog today. This brilliant website that my brother told me about, it's hilarious. If you want a good laugh at America check it out!

The White House

You can get an alternative view of the news and buy genius merchandise, I've got my eye on a few of the bumper stickers.

Iceland

Iceland have defied the international community and undertaken the first commercial whaling there in over 20 years. Take the pledge to visit the country for your holiday after the government retracts this whaling licence that allows the slaughter of more endangered whales.

Click here to find out more.

Arrogant, ignorant, flaming wanker

Please excuse my language in this post. I am angry.

I am up in arms over this dickhead I have clashed horns with on an internet forum. The topic was trick or treating. Some people were claiming that it has only started happening in the UK in the last 20 years under the influence of America. I knew otherwise so piped up. This is what I said:

I suspect the tradition comes from an old Yule begging tradition, old women (often widows) used to to go begging from door to door saying a rhyme that varied from one region to another, records date from the mid-sixteenth century.

Distinctive Hallowe'en trick or treating can be traced back in the UK to the beginning of the twentieth century :-)

All true, as discussed at length by Ronald Hutton, leading historian on the origins of British folk customs, in his book Stations of the Sun. Which another poster suggested this guy should read.

Dickhead said:

The truth is prosaic. It came from America and is promoted by the High Street.

To which I responded with:

Are you denying the likely British roots of this tradition in the face of historical evidence? It's probable that trick or treating as we know it today was rekindled under American influence. But it's fairly obvious that the traditions both here and in America have their own individual heritages.

This is obviously speculation on my part, but not unjustifiable I think. The response I got was infuriating:

I can hardly do that if nobody presents any historical evidence.

Yes, and in ancient prehistory we all worshipped a Mother Goddess until the nasty Christians came along and stole our calendar. Do me a favour.

When advised by another poster he was being harsh he actually implied that he had prepared a much more scathing reply that he had toned down. He went on to say:

I know that but it bores me to objection when people promote nonsense about the past, about the beliefs and actions of our ancestors. Why do some people feel they must belong to an ancient tradition in order for their own beliefs to be legitimate and viable in our modern society?

Was that what I was doing?! Hardly! I despise that as much as anyone as I feel strongly that pagan literature is incredibly misleading about the origins of modern paganism and I was duped, like many people for many years before I read historical research on the matter.

All I was saying was that there was an old begging custom at Yule (by which I meant the Christmas season) that was likely transferred to Hallowe'en at some point and that Hallowe'en (note, I steered clear of the name Samhain) trick or treating can be traced back through historical records to 100 years ago. Why do arrogant wankers read things into posts that aren't there?!

I am so frustrated because the forum in question is moderated and not 24 hours, so I have to wait until 9am tomorrow to reply to the cocksucker.

Argh!

Ladylike and A New Fucking Kitchen Baby!

I cannot stop playing Ladylike - by the fabulous Storm Large. I play it full volume and sing my little heart out over and over. It's probably the best song I've ever, ever heard. Now, coming from someone who is quite prone to picking one song to worship for a several year stretch at a time and whose cd collection is (although I haven't actually counted it) rather fucking large! Yes, it is indeed that good a song, it has replaced my old favourite of approximately five years. I'm a little obsessive about it :-p

And in other news.... Andy and I are getting a NEW KITCHEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's booked for installation starting on November 20th. I am more than a little excited about this as we have been living with "hell's kitchen" for four very long years. No dishwasher, cupboards with no shelves in them, cupboards and drawers with either no handles or handles that come off when you use them, irremovable stains on the floor, awful brown tiles, dubious but unavoidable positioning of cooker next to sink and worktops too shallow to actually prepare food on! It's all going, being ripped out and thrown away in favour of shiny new cabinets and worktops, with soft close doors! We will actually have an extractor hood too and most importantly..... A DISHWASHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, just a tad excited about this :-D

Lib Dem Conference

Check out this webcast about the Lib Dem Green Tax Switch:

http://www.libdems.org.uk/news/lib-dem-ppb.html

BNTM & end of course

Well, what a couple of days. Last night was the finale of season 2 of BNTM, my little obsession. I actually try quite hard to keep this quiet, but what the hey, it's not that bad a habit. I watch ...Next Top Model - America's, Australia's & of course Britain's. I love it, it's tacky tele at its best and indulges my fashion fetish.

This season of BNTM has been very frustrating as there was one contestant that I felt a great desire to strangle right from the beginning and another who I adored and desperately wanted to win. Every week I would be crossing my fingers that the former would be sent home and the latter would stay. Well, I got one wish almost to the end, but not the other. The woman I hated only went and won the damn thing! I joked with Andy in about week 4 that she would win, but I didn't really believe she would.

The woman I like, Abbey made it to the final too and she was by far the best at the climactic fashion show. The judges sat there and deliberated, praising Abbey and I thought she could actually pull it off - the big doubt was over her figure, she actually had breasts and from the beginning they criticised her for being too "lads mag". Despite her being better on the runway and having stunning photos and the fact that the big reason for my feelings towards the other one being her negative attitude, self-doubt and self-criticism (oh and her tendency to fall apart every week over something trivial), Abbey didn't win! They picked the weepy, annoying cow who couldn't make it through a go-see without telling the client that all her photos were awful!!!

Seriously? WTF?! I have come to the conclusion that sometimes they just go for the pity vote. They pick the one who needs the biggest help up into the industry. Incidentally, not that I knew this until googling her this week, but Abbey's the girlfriend of Peter Crouch and was one of the WAGs sent home from the World Cup in disgrace. But as I try to ignore football and icky tabloids, I knew nothing of this.

Anyway. Onto the other matter... this afternoon I finished my ECA, a 5000 word essay due for the end of my course in place of an exam. It's done, it will be in tomorrow's post. So I am free again to have a social life :D and get on with the tiresome business of finding a new job :-/

The OU academic year is over, roll on winter holiday! Back to OU in February, so I have to make the most of this brief interlude when I actually have the time and inclination to read something non-academic!