Big Day for Jack

Monday was a big day, Jack managed to roll over front to back AND sit unaided long enough and stable enough for me to take photos :)

We have got him a fantastic high chair, it's a Stokke Tripp Trapp, a chair that grows with your child. I was lusting after one for ages but they are very expensive. But I thought I'd have a look on Ebay and happened upon one that was in the finish we wanted, bidding closing in 20 minutes and collection only from just up the road! It was fate, so we bid on it and won. We've been sitting Jack at the table with us for dinner since Sunday and he has started sleeping better. We don't think it's a coincidence. I reckon that being included in the family meal is helping him settle in the evenings as he doesn't feel he is missing out on anything. We didn't need to introduce solids early, just sit him at the table!

I've been thinking about some of the reasons parents give for early weaning, notably "my baby is interested in food and watches us eat". I've always taken issue with this. 4 month old babies are fascinated by everything their parents do. Their main way of learning is observation and everything that their parents do is interesting, even a smile from mummy is the most exciting thing in the world! Also, the mouth is the most sensitive part of the human body, babies learn a great deal more about things by putting them into their mouths than simply looking at them or holding them. They learn what the thing smells and tastes like as well as getting a more detailed idea of its texture and hard/softness. They also find it soothing to press things against their gums when teething.

Some of the things Jack has put into his mouth, or tried to, in the last two months:

his own feet,
clothes and muslin squares,
toys,
books,
the TV remote control,
an xbox controller,
people's fingers,
a plate! (I was eating a sandwich with him in my lap and he leaned forward and sucked the rim of the plate I was holding!)

Things he has watched me doing with great intensity:

eat,
fold laundry,
brush my teeth,
talk on the phone,
sing.

Does this mean he is ready to do all of these things? Hardly!

And just how, exactly, do people think that their 4 month old baby knows what food is? They have no idea that we get nourishment from it. In their world view food comes from the breast, a bottle or a cup. It's possible that if they have been cup-fed they recognise us drinking as receiving nourishment, but there is no way they can possibly understand that solid food from a plate is our way of filling our tummies.

Parents who follow baby led weaning (BLW) have noticed that the first few weeks or months their children are simply playing with the food, it isn't until about 9 months old that they truly seem to know that the food can fill them up and give them energy, once they have had chance to experiment.

I know it shouldn't bother me how other people choose to raise their children, but I can't stand ignorance when it comes to children's health. It's frustrating that there isn't really anything I can do about it, so I just have to vent here.

What a week

In the last week Jack has started rolling over, back to front to his right side and cut two teeth!

He'd been working on rolling over for about a month, getting as far as his side, sometimes turning his hips over so he was twisted in the middle but his shoulder wasn't making it out from under him. Then suddenly one evening on our bed he just did it, flipped right over like it was the most natural thing in the world. I rolled him back and called Andy in to see and Jack kindly obliged and did it again for Daddy. He did it again the next day on his play mat and this time got both arms out in front of him and pulled his head up to look around. He's only done it a couple of times since, seems to have lost interest a bit and still hasn't managed to go over to his left, or roll back onto his back, but I'm sure that will come with time.

He cut his first tooth last week, it came through at an angle with one pointy bit sticking out more but has evened out now and the one next to it came out at the weekend. He now has two front bottom teeth and his teething rash on his cheeks is starting to clear up, so that looks like the worst is over for now at least.

For about the last 3-4 weeks he has been having trouble getting off to sleep properly. Some nights he'll wake after about an hour screaming the house down and I had decided he was suffering night terrors. But some nights it wouldn't be so bad, just normal crying that was easily soothed with a cuddle or feed. Other nights he'll just refuse to go to sleep at his normal bedtime, instead staying awake for an extra hour or two and still wake an hour later! It was as if he thought he was going down for a nap, like during the day.

It may be connected to his teething, but Andy and I talked about it at length and wracked our brains to find a pattern. What we came up with was that the nights he seems to be worst have been when Andy was not around, or not participating in his bedtime routine. The night before last I stayed in the room with him after putting him to bed, Andy did too but left after about half an hour and ten minutes or so later Jack woke up crying.

So last night we both stayed with him, talking quietly and at that crucial 50 minute mark when he normally wakes he started to stir. We went quiet and watched him, he started to whinge so we both spoke up and reassured him that we were there and low and behold, he slowly went back off to sleep... have we cracked the mystery? Is it separation anxiety from Daddy? We'll try the same tonight and see what happens.

Development

Dating scans are accurate because all embryos develop at the same rate. At 24 weeks I'm viable because all foetuses develop at the same rate. I'm due at 40 weeks because all pregnancies are the same length as all bumps develop at the same rate. My baby will have growth spurts at 2 weeks, 6 weeks and 3 months because all newborns develop at the... hang on a minute... what's this? 4 months? My baby is hungry, s/he must need solids! But the research says it can be harmful before 6 months... but it's fine for my baby as all babies develop differently!

Where does it change?

The very same people who claim their pregnancies are utterly predictable because all babies develop at the same rate in utero claim that their baby's gut is ready to digest food two months early because not all babies conform to the same development patterns.

I find this odd. Now, I'm the first to say that there are differences in development between babies both in utero and out. I openly promote the fact that pregnancy can last anywhere from 37 to 42 weeks and that babies come when they are ready (i.e. not all are developed for birth bang on 40 weeks). Children do reach developmental milestones at different times, some roll first, other cut their first tooth first etc.

But when it comes to physiological development we can't actually see their insides so we can't actually know from observation whether their gut is mature enough to take solid foods. Isn't it best to err on the side of caution when it comes to our child's long term health?

Yes, the guidelines are a recommendation, not a requirement and it is every parent's right to ignore it or not. But recently I have encountered a number of people who not only ignore the research, but seem to think it is fictional or in some way unreliable. We are talking about dozens of academic, peer reviewed studies of tens of thousands of children. But when parents who have already decided to wean their child early they will, understandably, close their ears to the research that contradicts that decision one or more months down the road.

I have found, however, that many parents, at the time of making their decision are aware of the guideline, but haven't looked into the reasoning behind it and are not aware of the health risks associated with early weaning. They tend to say things like "I was weaned at 3 months and I'm alright, so I don't see the harm in weaning my baby at 4 months."

With very narrow world views like this it is easy to see why they would make such decisions, but I can't help but be disappointed that more parents don't take the time to look into these issues more.

Independent Midwife

(I made my 100th post last time!)

So, Andy and I had a meeting with a local independent midwife (IM) on Monday to go over the hospital notes from Jack's birth. It wasn't quite as tough as I was expecting it to be, I think because we had read over them on our own already and got the worst of it out of the way. The IM, Debs, asked us to describe, from our perspective, what had happened. That was the tough bit and I did cry a bit towards the end.

Then she had a look through the written comments from my labour and studied it alongside the partogram so she could see what physiological signs were going on at the time. She came to much the same conclusions as we had, that we had an inexperienced MW on the day who should have been suggesting specific movements to encourage Jack to turn as soon as poor position was suspected (from the very first examination).

Also, artificial rupture of membranes (ARM) should not have been offered as Jack's heart rate was elevated at this time which the MWs attending on the day themselves said this suggested he was in distress, which they confirmed on breaking my waters and finding meconium. Debs, however, says that "thin meconium liquor" as described in my notes is not really of much concern and that ARM is known to cause foetal distress, so when his heart rate was up anyway it was a very poor idea. It is also known to make it more difficult for poorly positioned babies to turn into a better position. All in all it was an extremely inappropriate intervention to offer.

On the positive side, however, she thought that the MW at the hospital stretched her guidelines and protocols for us, albeit in a very medicalised way, she still piled the interventions on, but did not put any time pressures on us for well beyond what her superiors will have been advising. When Debs was in the NHS she said that she found it almost impossible to provide woman-centred care and when she did she was repremanded for it. The implication is that the hospital MW we had was probably in a bit of trouble for the leeway she gave us.

Another thing that she advised us of is that prolonged periods on the syntocinon drip can increase risk of uterine rupture, which is why it is ill-advised for VBACs. We were not advised of this risk at the time of being offered augmentation of labour, nor was it raised as a reason to come off the drip and go into theatre. I do feel that this was poor medical practice. The MW and consultant did not allow us to make an informed choice, they did not mention any risks. I do not believe that the onus should be on the client to request this information, though sadly it seems to be the case.

I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. My own thoughts about what happened have been confirmed by an experienced third party and although we can never know if things might have gone differently with another MW I can at least take comfort in the knowledge that my body did not fail me.

It was also great to meet someone who we may well hire next time, her fees are doable if we save a little each month, but as she is currently expecting her first baby we had better make sure we wait as long as we intend to!

Party

On Saturday 1st August we held a large house/garden party to celebrate Andy's 30th birthday and Jack's Naming Day. In the week leading up to the event we kept a close watch on the weather forecast and crossed all our fingers as it looked more and more likely that the day would be plagued by rain. We invited rather a lot of people and knew that we would have a problem if we couldn't use the garden.

Andy wanted to barbecue and we were planning to plant a tree for Jack. We decided to get the tree planted the day before, so as not to have to get dirty on the day or battle with the weather to get it done.

We had friends and family coming from all over the country, some arriving on the Friday and some staying with us, so there was a lot of cleaning and tidying to be done!

It was fantastic to see friends that we hadn't seen in a year and friends from Bristol not seen since our house-warming in December. We also got the chance to meet my second cousin's little boy, who commanded a lot of attention with his loud screeches!

Saturday came and the weather did not look too promising, but the forecast was for light showers and that's what we got. For most of the afternoon we were able to use the back garden, where Andy tended the bbq surrounded by friends. At the peak of the party we had over 40 people and there was a heavy shower at one point, meaning the house was full to bursting!

In a break in the weather we did get everyone outside to show off Jack's tree and propose a toast to him and Andy. I hadn't wanted to do a speech or anything formal or fancy, but this seemed appropriate. Afterwards though I felt a pang of regret for not mentioning our chosen Supporting Adults or why we chose Jack's name. Having lost the little book I had wanted people to be able to write their hopes and wishes for Jack's future in there really wasn't much about the day to mark it out as a naming day :(

That said, I did commission a fantastic cake for Jack, which was completely beautiful and much admired by everyone. It tasted amazing too! Luckily there was quite a bit left for Andy and I to enjoy over the following week!

Once the guests began to drift off we wound things down, Andy and some of the remaining family and friends went down to the local pub, who were having a beer festival. It was a chance for Andy to be the centre of attention and really celebrate his birthday. I got Jack into bed and had a precious hour to myself before heading to bed!

All in all it was a lovely day, so nice to see Jack with his cousins and our friends' little boy with his interesting mode of transportation - bum shuffling! I wish I had filmed it!

Milestones

Jack is over 4 months old now and developing wonderfully! He cut his first tooth today, poor little mite is really uncomfortable, is drooling constantly, chewing everything and has sore cheeks. Hopefully now that the first one is out it will get easier for him.

He isn't rolling over yet, but can shuffle about and is very partial to grabbing his feet! His coordination is fantastic and he is interested in everything around him. He is a very happy boy, he giggles at being bounced and having his neck cleaned in the bath and has started to laugh at the sight of me! He can almost sit unaided already and will take his weight on his feet when supported in a standing position. He loves books and can turn the pages of board books himself.

Most of the mums I shared my pregnancy with have started weaning early and I have recently found myself drifting away from them. It's hard to stay friends with people who have such different ideas about parenting. Jack won't be having solids until he is at least six months old, at which point we will be following baby-led weaning (BLW), which is the practice of including children in meal times and offering them real food, not purées. It helps ensure a happy and healthy relationship with food, teaches table manners and is generally a lot easier than spoon-feeding! I'm looking forward to it :)

The Recovery

At 6 days post partum it was found that I had an infection in my c-section wound. I was then on antibiotics for most of the next 7 weeks, and having my wound dressed by the district nurses at my local GP surgery every few days.

I developed post natal depression, had trouble breast feeding Jack and found it virtually impossible to participate in the basic care of my new baby. I couldn't bend or kneel to change his nappies, couldn't lift him from the floor or his bouncer, couldn't get out of bed in the night to fetch him to me for feeding, couldn't lift him in his infant carrier or push a pram and couldn't take him out anywhere without help. It was hell and seriously interfered with my ability to bond with him.

Luckily, Andy had over 3 weeks off work so was able to help a lot during the worst of it. My mum then took over, visiting every day to take me to the nurse and help look after Jack.

We had trouble with BFing, mainly, I believe, because of the surgery. I wasn't able to hold him for several hours afterwards, we didn't get our immediate skin-to-skin, in fact it wasn't until the next day that I got this. We were advised to use nipple shields to help him latch on, so we used these for a couple of weeks, but they were a pain to use, had to be sterilised and were generally unpleasant and interfered with normal feeding. At about 2 weeks we cracked it, we ditched the shields and Jack managed to latch on on his own and from there on I was able to feed him normally. We did give him a few bottles of formula in those early weeks, but stopped when Jack was about 5 weeks old. We've been exclusively BFing since, Jack will be 19 weeks old tomorrow!

When my physical recovery took off I was almost immediately better able to bond with Jack, I could do more with him and began to enjoy being a parent. But the events of his birth continued to haunt me and although I had felt ok with each decision at the time I began to look back with deep regrets about our decisions to call the MWs so soon, consent to ARM and hospital transfer and the cascade of interventions we were coerced into accepting. I have since learned of many women who had extremely long latent labours (days long), who had posterior babies etc who gave birth naturally at home. I applied for my hospital notes and on examining them we found that there had been more progress than we had taken in at the time (at one point I was 5-6cms) and Jack was posterior, not transverse as predicted. Transverse babies can become lodged in the pelvis, but women give birth to posterior babies all the time with little more difficulty than anterior babies.

I believe now that the NHS MWs did not try hard enough to help me have a normal birth, protocols and misguided use of interventions led to the c-section. We have an appointment with an independent MW next Monday to go over the notes with an impartial 3rd party and I am keen to know what she thinks about what happened and what she may have advised differently had she been in attendance.

I have agreed with Andy that the only way I would consider having another child in the future is if we can hire an IM and shun the NHS. He agrees with me. A dear friend asked me why it matters what happened and I had to tell him that I feel I failed as a woman, I did not give birth to Jack, he was surgically removed from me and the experience of giving birth that I was very much looking forward to was stolen from me. It also has implications for Jack's health (c/s babies are higher risk of asthma and diabetes) and makes a normal birth in the future less likely. Hiring an IM goes some way to increasing the chances of me being able to give birth next time and there is no way I will trust the NHS to have my best interests at heart in future, they will have their arses as their top priority.